What's a girl to do?

Soooooo, now I'm 29, I've been asking people what they think I should do with the last year of my twenties.
What do you think?
Let me know.
Post anonymously if you wanna.
Post your own dreams and then live vicariously through me if I do them.
So far I've had ideas ranging from 'have a baby' to 'waste it!'
(geez, guess which idea was from family :-)

I wonder if 30 will be a Big Deal Birthday? I'm thinking, not too much, because, hey *shrugs* you're 30 by then.
But right here and now I have the chance to sort out a battle plan and do STUFF. So I can look back and say...."Hey, in the last year of my 20's I ...........!"

Ideas, people, I need ideas!

It's just a surface scratch!

*oops, self-absorbed rant ahead*

So walking down the street today, I had an overwhelming sense of being invisible.
I had new black shiny girly shoes, blue jeans, new tittie top (wow, now I know who the straight boys are!), a butterfly hair clip, a fancy shopping bag and shiny sunnies.
I didn't look like a freak.
In my head I wanted to shake people and say - 'no really, I am one of you, I'm queerer than you think, I like bloodsports and pain and kink dressups and I'm dating the yummiest tranny boy you've ever met, no really!'
I looked like an eastern suburbs straight-girl in town for a spot shopping in 'colourful' Newtown!
Worried for a moment that I should've put on better (read: more visibly queer) glad rags. But knew I wasn't able to face clothing crisis this morning, so basically wore work clothes really.
Thought perhaps I need a shirt that reads 'Local', but that's a bit wanky. People'll think I'm one of the yuppies that moved in *grins*.
Yeah, so I did move in from an eastern suburbs life, leaving behind the straight boyfriend, dachshund, VW Golf, wine tastings, petanque, white picket fence. Okay, so it wasn't really that shiny, but even then, with those acoutrements, I was still doing work for the Bi community, going to hellfire, making floggers on the coffee table, shagging girls on the weekends.

Anyway, maybe I'll make a shirt that read "I only look straight..."?
I mean, I love the juxtaposition between the ordinary and the kink. Why else would I incorporate being a Librarian into my identity as much as my fondness for cutting peoples skin or being spanked and flogged?

Or perhaps, now that I've ranted, I could just let it go. *laughs*
Geez, I worry too much about what other people think.
*wanders away shaking head*

family, homeopathic, and shopping therapy

Wanted to go to the cricket (my dirty little secret - I lurve watching cricket *shhhh*).
Instead saw family for brunch, before they drive back home to the country.
Bought chinese dates and green tea icecream mix for my little brothers.
Bought expensive japanese skirt as a birthday present to myself.
And to wear to my mothers' wedding.
Bought rescue remedy.
Still crying.

Miss community spirit is about to be bad and let the community down. It's self preservation really. But I feel so rotten about it. I'm sorry.

Memory? What memory?

Bugger, last week I rescheduled my herbalist appointment because I didn't think I'd have the money for it. But now I realise I should've just gone. Magic drops are running low and pre-mardi gras organising has kicked in. Am hoping I will be strong enough. Have wonderful Miss B organising with me, and some great folks keen to overload themselves with stuff. So I just need to get some rescue remedy and get into the swing of it.
I have so much to do tonight that I can't quite remember it all at once. Shall have to get back into list writing.

Had a great weekend!
Birthday party was pretty fun. Didn't rain out much.
Mr M makes the best pirate! Naughty pressies and bling pressies from friends. A few pirates, a few navy hats, a sea-witch and a singing plastic starfish. Birthday floggings and other drunk things. A random and movable feast of friends. *blows big kisses to them all*
Umm can't remember a heap more. Trashy. Tired. Went to Gurlesque too - but crashed near the end so quickly I forgot to say g'bye to people.
Took yesterday off too, as a treat for myself. Was so worth it! Didn't have to launch straight back into work, Mr M's best mate took us out for fancy birthday lunch. Cafe Sydney overlooking the harbour. Great conversation, gorgeous food and wine, and then Mr M and I later wandered around the Opera House into the evening. Watching the dressed up folks walk into shows, guessing what part of town they came from.
Watched shiny flashy lights on the bridge.
Ate gelato.
Took the gorgeous night home and kept it going.
*sighs*

do i win the bet?

great news.
The half a purple cow:
it has been sewn.
I rock. In my purple party frock.
oh, and Mr M, it didn't fuck the tension on my sewing machine.
*evil grins*

It was a leopard.

My moods have been fluctuating a little too much for my liking lately and I wish they'd stop!
From blank to giggly to sobbing to blank to lovey to vague to anxious to...etc
Last night I had an awful nightmare and woke up screaming. Haven't had one of those in years. About 8 years.
Today at work I opened up the library and was on Information desk for a couple of hours. Back at my own desk later I realised that I couldn't deal with Icemaiden anymore (did I mention she's gone back to being weird and bullying again?) so I went home.

Yeay for early marks!
On the way home I bought a new top for my birthday party tomorrow, and some wire with pearl things on it, and some green and purple ribbon.
Came home and started decorating.

Really wanted to go to Miss C's birthday party last night, but was too tired and fragile after Big Bi Meeting. Don't think I can make it to Butch T's birthday gathering tonight. Probably would've dragged myself out if it was at Phoenix, but for some reason it's closed so they're gathering at the Columbian *meh*. Instead I shall save energy and get some sleep before my own party. They'll have to come and visit me to collect their pressies!

Somehow I foolishly organised a meeting at my place for Sunday arvo for float organising. Hope I'm awake in time. Shall have to clear the debris. And then frock up again after and totter to Gurlesque that eve.
Probably should think about all my outfits now while I have time eh.

Hey Mr M, we're gonna have a party! Happy Birthday us!

A focused Aquarian? *Bah!*

Further to that last post...I am not a Capricorn!
No I am not.
I am Aquarian. Very, at times.
I am too lazy to be a Capricorn.

Having said that, I have just had a meeting tonight and just started on Mardi Gras float planning.
And it shall be fun and do-able, despite leaving it to the last minute (oh my god, we have HOW many weeks?!?!).
And I will not have any time to be lazy.
Last year I surprised myself at how much I achieved and how organised I was.
Outstanding. Didn't think I could do it.
So, like having kids, I've forgotten the pain and am getting excited again.

Shall go now and type up minutes and send emails. Or look at the keyboard for a bit and then go to sleep. *sighs*
Who wants to come in the parade with us?
Drop me a line.

Birthday Love

Capricorns, Capricorns, as far as the eye can see!
How many Birthday's and birthday parties have there been so far?
Miss L, Miss L, Miss A, Miss C, Mr M and myself.
And I'm sure I missed a few.
And the same at work, which has made for a marvellous month, 'cos we all put in a couple of bucks for a cake (chocolate of course, 'cos we're librarians), sing "Happy Birthday" really quickly and off-key, and then tuck in.
So I've had no spare change this month, 'cos it's all been going to cakes.
So many Capricorns working in Libraries! You'd think there'd be moreVirgos.

Anywaaaayyy...
Happy Birthday Mr M!
I love you!

Okay, can't type more now, have to go to the pub and talk a bunch of bisexuals into getting excited enough about Mardi Gras to help me build a float.
*rummages for beer money*

It's a warm summer night and I am in love.

*sings* 'Tomorrow, tomorrow...'
Am doing girly stuff tonight. Need to chill and rest.
Bubble bath.
Groom and pamper.
Wash clothes, shine shoes.
Shan't post anything tomorrow night as I won't be home!
What am I gonna wear?
So happy.

In other news this evening:
Miss A is soon to vanish.
Who taught me girly can be good and it's okay to wear glittery things.
Only a few days left.
And then magically she will reappear in 6 months time, all new and amazing, having lived 6 months of her life elsewhere and become some thing more and different. And I wonder what the landscape here will be like for her to come back to.
It's making me realise how much I live for the moment these days. Fancy thinking about what it might be like in 6 months.
*wanders off wide-eyed to run a bath*

I am older than I think.

Thinking of my birthday and reading back through my 'Year in Review' post...I said I was 26 last birthday, but *sobs* I'm actually 28...for a few more weeks *sighs*.
I actually like getting older, 'cos I am often assumed younger than I am, especially at work. But the idea of having only 1 year left of my 20's is a bit of a doozy.
Come on Saturn returns... come on...I'll have ya! Wanna take this outside eh!

Okay, on another, less aggro note;
Had a good night out last night. It wasn't incredibly special by the usual standards, but there's something to be said for a chilled house party, a cab ride (via costume changes) to a sweaty dark club, and a mindless dance.
Though geez, did SX really need to do a write-up on Phoenix. Can't believe we had to queue. And then see so much sweaty boy butt cracks, and drunken headjobs.
I agree that it's a brilliant dark filthy place to fuck in. But right on the bench seat! Next to girls dancing. *erk*. I tried to chastise them for behaving so when there were ladies present. But I think they though I was a fag hag congratulating them. And it was a bit hypocritical of me to say that, considering my behaviours there. And I'm not a lady anyway *grins*.
Thanks goes to the folks of the Chippendale house for the company/conversation/shiny things/happy grins...hey guys, what's your collective term? "House of .....?" or "...?.... House" Think of something.

Was great to have time and space to talk to folks last night. People that I wouldn't normally get to say much more than a yelled "Hey, how are ya" at a club.
Thanks to Miss K for fetching my last beer from the bottom of the freezing cold barrel of water and ice (Tongs! I'd never have thought of it). Mr P was in a well behaved mood too, which made me less inclined to walk away. This is good. Miss R and Little miss R both reported back on their variety of marks and bruises from Mr M's work last weekend.

Ooooh, and how could I forget - speaking of marks - Miss A came over early evening to get the stars on her back re-cut. Was great fun. Though I think I don't have the best bedside manner. Started one cut with the blade upside down *doh*, and channelled sleazy-man-talking too much. I did manage to keep my mouth shut a bit and the blood lust energy from scattering too much, during the second star.
They are very pretty though. And relatively symmetrical, which is good for freehand. This is good.

Okay, this girl is going to do some housework. Miss H is downstairs sewing cushion covers. No boys have stayed over this weekend. Girly-girly energy happening here today!

Yeah for parties!

So, it's early notice...buuut:
We're having a birthday party on the 22nd for Mr M and My birthdays. At my place.
It's a seafaring theme, and if I know you and haven't sent an invite your way, drop me a line.
That's all tonight. This girl has a big day tomorrow, so has to head to bed now. Can't believe it's the weekend already.
Am s'pose to have a few folks over for a bloodlust gathering before a party tomorrow night. But the week has gone so quickly, I've not been able to get in contact with them all.
It's too late to phone now. I'll try in the morning and hope they have the late arvo free. (I'm talking about you Miss L, Miss J, Miss E and Little Miss R, if you're reading this).
*mwah*

vodka, art, and flatmates

*giggles*
So last night I finish my blog post, switch off the computer, and my phone beeps.
Folks down at the Impie wanting to know if I'm joining them to go onto Kooky.
I sms back that although I'd love to, I'm not feeling well enough, and then wander downstairs to brush my teeth.
The phone rings and 2 minutes later I'm tugging on the tulle again *laughs*
Down to the Impie in 20 mins for a nightcap of vodka, gossip and perving.
Though soon I became Cinderella, and was tucked up in bed by midnight.
An unexpected fun interlude.

Today, not feeling very well still. Eventually wandered into the city and met my Ma and sister for a meander around the art gallery which was lovely. Saw some new works that I loved...paper and collage and screen printing and oh what wonderful materials! In particular there was some repetitive patterned abstracts that I feel in love with, and some cheeky collage works with a great sense of humour in them.
And sea glass and old china mosaics and scientific equipment that caught my eye. Though with my dizzy fuzzy head I wasn't really enamoured with the animal parts (dead birds and sheep x-rays and claws, etc).

Oh, miss H is just back home. Am hoping that Mr C isn't still with her. He's been around for 5 days now...and I'm needing a break...oh *sighs* yep, he's here still.
I feel bad for her when she said this morning that no-one really likes him. It must feel awful for her. I consoled her that of course not many people really know him, or have spent much time with him, so she shouldn't worry too much.
And of course, if she likes him, that's all that should count.
But it would still be a horrid thing for her to think about.
Though, sadly, this still doesn't make me feel any more compassionate towards him when he's been here 5 days.

Okay, I go now and faff about a bit.
I've enjoyed this break so much.
Really, really, REALLY don't wanna go to work tomorrow.

How was your New Years'?

Part of me wants to go out tonight to Kooky and make it a big party holiday. But I'm not feeling tops...bit erk and run down actually.
So it's ugg boots, a cardie, and lemon and ginger tea instead.
Just spent to evening installing the software for my new digital camera that that gorgeous boyfriend of mine, and his family, bought me. Is exciting.
Had a great New Years. Not toooo nutso. Dropped in to see Mr M's non-bio family (incl sproglets) and then onto House of Butch for a drink or two and watching of fireworks on the teev. Then piling into a car for Phoenix dancing. Thanks to N for the lift *blows kiss*.
Thought about Hellfire NYE, but was still feeling pooey about being turned down for being too small to join the Phat Bottomed Burlesque show. And some of the Hellfire and Pride NYE folks ended up joining us at Phoenix later anyway *yeay*.
Had a dance with Little Miss R, who was well ahead of us on the trashed stakes by then. Hadn't been there for a while so had to revist highjinks in the toilets and backroom a couple of times, and Mr M did marvellous work hurting both Miss R and Little Miss R's gorgeous bums!
I was feeling pretty spesh in my new long black tulle skirt, red shoes, and red and black cheongsam top. Got happy snaps taken by SX and someone else, so we'll see on Thurs if we looked good enough, or otherwise too trashy, to make the social pages. Though the top was warm, so was undone for most of the evening, so that ups the trashy probability *grins*.
Mr M was looking mighty fine in his Vespa shirt and leathers *sighs*
Headed outside to escape the smoke for a bit and had a coffee, though that was probably my undoing, and I started to crash and had to go home.
On the bus home with Mr M and Miss J, feeling okay in the sunshine. Bed by 7.30 - 8am, but didn't sleep much.
By midday we were getting up again and some stroke of madness found us walking around South Head by 2pm. Wasn't so dizzy that I fell off any cliffs, but stairs were a little tricky. After a perve-stop at Lady Bay at nekkid men and their floating penises, we had a beer and some (clothed) people watching at Watson's Bay and then home.
In bed by 8pm for 12 hours or so of (mostly) sleep.
And to think some people went out again last night. Egads!
I feel a bit old.
Oh and speaking of feeling old, there's gonna be a party at my place, probably the 22nd Jan, for Mr M and my birthdays. Stay tuned for more info.
Okay, I go brush my teeth and sleep now.
1 more day before back to work *bleurko*
Tomorrow I think I shall try and make something wearable out of the purple cow if the sewing machine can take on the challenge. I'll report back.
G'night xx