So many things to make me happy...

Today started with an early morning call to my man.
Then after a wee bit o' housecleaning, and errands on king street, I caught up with Butch N for lunch and an afternoon wandering around. Perfect antidote to a potential post-party comedown is to spend it with friends. Stops my head from imploding.
Other good things that happened today:
- Found a pair of white, yes WHITE, 1940's kid leather gloves for $15 at a second hand store. And they fit! Yeay!
- I am now a published writer. Yes. Got a copy in the post today from Boston. A few other friends and aquaintances also have pieces in it, so stay posted for a book launch in the future.
Ochs, R. and Rowley, S.E. (eds) "Getting Bi: Voices of bisexuals around the world" 2005, Bisexual Resources Centre, Boston, M.A. www.biresource.org/biproducts/gettingbi.html
Am a wee bit tetchy that my first version got in, not my edited one. So not happy with one sentence. Though too late to whinge now eh.

For dinner I had champagne, dark chocolate and pasta with roast vegies and pesto.
In that order.
Am full and happy. Life is good.

Post-Inquisition

Aaah, I should take note here and listen to myself.
Here I was all anxiety attack last night. But by the time I was walking into the party I was fine.
I love happy e people giving compliments. Great for the ego.

My intended costume went pear-shaped. So I just wore mary janes, short box pleated leather skirt and lace up leather bodice, and a black felt fascinator I made, in my hair. Blackety Black. I thought it a bit too bog standard, but someone said that they loved how I made leather look 'cute', so all's well.

Inquisition was fantastic.
Mr M dropped us off - heard the music - and went home and got changed. YEAY!
I so happy. I jump around and hug and kiss and dance with my man. And run away a few times into the crowd too *giggles*.
The music was good, the eye candy was great, the mood was lovely.
(Is it okay to say the mood of a dance party is 'lovely'? Sounds weird - but it actually was. Not stressed, or hyper, or frantic, but lovely).

I have a sore jaw and a blister :-(
I have bruises on my bottom, my breasts and my neck :-)
The good injuries outweight the bad, so I am happy.

Thankyou to all the gorgeous people who shared my night and made i so wonderful. Mr M, ? M, Butch N, Miss L, Miss A, Little Miss R, Miss J, Miss E, Mr L.

I have many stories from the night. But will probably type more another time.
I know I said I'd go out tonight to Kooky or something. But don't think it's going to happen.
G'night happy people.

Pre-Inquisition...

2 hours until I have to leave the house to meet up with friends.
I haven't even started to sew my costume.
Bought a new CD today to get myself charged up and excited.
Hope it works.
Sad and nervous to be at a BIG party sans Mr M. Shall call on close friends if I'm feeling fractured and scattered.
Been a bit nervy in general lately - so probably not going to be too drug-trashbag tonight.
Okay, now I'm just procrastinating.
I go.
I have great BIG night.
Dammit.

teenagers are not children.

Nor are they adults.

"Anyhow, kids are very tough. What they find for themselves they should be able to read for themselves."
Ursula K. LeGuin
(Horn Book letter, April 1973)

Man, I'm all for getting the sex books out of stack for the 15yr old highschool boys, if that's what they ask me for.
I'm not a prude when it comes to what I let into the collection either.
But why did I buy Hellboy Junior for the YA collection?
Thought I'd have a quick read of it over lunch the other day. Nearly couldn't finish eating. And that's saying a lot for someone as food motivated as me.
So it's no longer for loan at the moment. And it's made me a lot less complacent about what I buy, and a lot more concious about why I buy certain items.

Newish book out called 'Blink' by some american pop-psychologist dude. But the theory is that we make snap decisions and judgements all the time, and if we can harness that it makes for a 'successful' life. I don't think I'll bother reading it, but I can see his point when I think about how I approach collection development at work.
And then Hellboy Junior appears and makes me stop and thinkety-think.
Sighs.

Oh, but the graphic novel collection is rockin now. Yesterday the kids section was filled with teenagers lounging around on the floor and big pillows and couches. Listening to their iPods. Reading all the manga and graphic novels.

Double Oh. And then the highschool girls walked in with their army cadet uniforms on and started polishing their boots! 4 stunning asian girls.
Man, somedays I think I gotta get me a different job.

Oooh Shiny....

"Illustrated Guide to Knives" by Jan Suermondt, Grange Books, Kent, U.K. 2004.

Brand new book came across my desk today at work.
Big. Shiny. Colour. Pictures.
Dreams of scraping knives backwards over the soft skin of inner thighs and the curve of hips.

"The 'ulu' (pronounced 'OO-loo')...Used by Alaskan natives for centuries, the ulu is rounded and has a long efficient cutting radius...The blades are made from American D2 high carbon steel, individually hand ground, finished, and sharpened to a hairsplitting razor edge. The heat treating process is a double draw method and then each blade is cryogenically treated so that the cutting edge is extremely sharp and stays that way even after extended use."

Vaguely related topic; do I fancy one of the town planners at work 'cos he's gorgeous. Or because he told me about his sword collection?
*evil grin*

In other news, today found me pronoucing aloud to thin air that "Damn I love my job!".
This is a good sign.
I've always loved my work - but the last few months have been horrid!
I'm glad I'm getting back into it now. Working hard, whistling cheerfully ...and no, I'm not being sarcastic, okay.
I tried to go shopping with my straight-girl sister tonight. I'm not very good at shopping (hence the 'part-time femme' tag perhaps). She is. She bought a pair of strappy black high heels, a stripy shirt for work, woollen slippers and butterfly hair clips.
I bought another bracelet. That is all.

Mr M is good at shopping. And he is generous. The most recent present is a granny trolley for me to do my shopping with. I am very excited, and I think my back is even more excited.
Perhaps some girls would turn up their noses at presents like this.
But I love my man and I love the way he buys me things I wouldn't think of, or get around to getting. And they are perfect and I use them.
Diamonds may last forever, but so does lower back pain.
Hah!

I can't recall how many years ago it was.

Mothers' Day meditations...

Mothers' day has got me thinking. Normally it doesn't - though there were the
usual teenage years, fraught with angst over my relationship with my mother.
But now to thinking - being in a relationship with a man who adores kids and
would ideally love to have kids.
Reading "Maternal Desire" -the first book I've read which deals with the whole
topic on an intellectual level and avoids all the usual emotional baggage and
cliches and crap; Oh my! I think I can engage with this dialogue!
And then considering age play. Being a Mama to my boy. And the filthy Mother's
Day pressie he gave to me.

And then thinking of my abortion. Off the top of my head, I can't recall how
many years ago it was.
I was always okay with it. Better than okay, really. It made me feel more like a
woman than anything I had done to that point in my life. I was an adult from
that point on.
Spiritually I had no problem with it. I believe in individual spirit choices -
that you choose your life/parents/destiny before you come onto this physical
plane - so as, at that point in my life, I was always going to have an abortion, any spirit that took
residence in me (ie: conception) would know that it wouldn't be staying for long.
Morally it wasn't an issue.
There's advantages to not having any skerrick of religion or similar in your
upbringing! Go the hippy parents!

But now, years later, I think about what life could've been like. I could have a
child perhaps nearly starting school. Would I still be in that relationship?
Maybe? I would like to think not. But there's a distinct possibility.
But I certainly wouldn't be the Miss Y that I am today.
The person that I am now, right now, feels more like myself than at almost any
other time in my life!
I value that a lot.
I love who I am now and I love the people in my life who allow me to be who I am.

I also think about if I would even want to be a mother to my own child.
And then I have the realization that, in my almost entirely apathetic life (I
reserve the right to not ever have to make a decision *grins*); that I have to,
or should, make a decision within the next five years, as to whther I will have
my own biological child.
Fuck! a decision and a deadline to make it by!
Aaah, well,  I do actually work better under pressure. Some would suggest it's
the only time I work at all!

Comments? Thoughts? Your own Mothers' Day meditations?

Out with the old...

"With a librarian behind him, there's no telling how far a shoeshine boy can go."
Helen Schary Motro
(Christian Science Monitor column, 23 August 2002)
******** Silly Christians - with this particular Librarian behind him, he'll go exactly as far as I tell him and for as long as I tell him! *******HA!

Tori, Tori, Tori!

She's in Australia for the first time in 11 years and everyone's gone gaga.
I'm not really a fan, but she themed a whole CD around Library stuff- and even put the songs on in Dewey order - so that's gotta be a good sign.
(I must admit I borrowed that CD from the Library but didn't listen to it - just checked out cataloguing on the slick - and of course her librarian fashions.)

So in honour of her, here's a nice quote:
"I love being in a skirt and boots. It goes back to the librarian-principal look. I like the idea of carrying books around in a skirt."
-Tori Amos

Hoist by their own petard

I'm not a perfect person. Hell, most days I'm not even a good person.
But jeezuz it's great sometimes to see karma sorting out some people.
(further details I won't go into - seeing as last time it was my ass bit by karma *grins*).

Oh, would it be bad form to bring in a cake the day after the poisonous woman leaves the workplace?

My collections at work have moved house to a new floor. Designer carpet, leafy outlook with BIG windows, teenagers separated from the toddlers. It's all good. Geez I've worked hard this last 2 days. But geez I'm happy with the way it's turned out.

Did you know that chocolate, eggs, citrus and nuts can trigger coldsores if you're particularly susceptible?
I'm sooo tempting fate this last week. Hooray for my vitamins.

My youngest sister and Da are both in town this week. Dinner tomorrow. Middle sister is coming too. I'm v. excited as she often doesn't catch up with our Da. Must sort out camera for the occasion.

I go to sleep know.
Scrambled period brain.
Ugh

Domesticity.

Have been on a baking bender. Apple and yoghurt custard pie. Sour cream and cardomon squares. Salmon and jasmine rice patties.
And it continues; I've had a weekend of homebody activity.
Didn't go out Friday night. Met Mr M for an after work beer, then came home and made a salmon quiche with sundried tomatoes and snow peas, for tea.
Saturday morning made omelette for breakfast and Mr M went to work.
Coffee with Butch N and wandering the streets. Bought feathery stuff to make more 'fascinators', and face scrub and a new shower curtain, and for Mr M; a red blanket. Butch N pointed out that my domestic baking spree these last few weeks could be a new-house-nesting-thing.
Mr M came and took me to The Bower to buy a new moniter for my computer. Discover it's actually the computer which is broken. So now I have 2 working monitors and 1 dead computer. Mr Z tried fidlling with it. More news later on this front I hope.
Saturday night I cook roast sweet potato and fetta rissotto for the boys. Mr M fetches beer. Full belly. Early night cuddles *yum*
Sunday morning I get up early and leave my baby bear sleeping. Spot of bathroom/toilet cleaning. Bake apple breakfast muffins. Eat them hot from the oven with butter and honey. *yummo*
Have cold salmon quiche for lunch.
Sunday afternoon, go to corner store, flirt with cute dyke shop attendant [can you reach this for me? What are you making? Bitter chocolate tarts. Oh some of my friends are bitter chocolate tarts! *giggles*. Good luck with the tarts. And with my cooking too eh?] Buy more eggs and make mini bitter chocolate tarts. Left over chocolate mix gets some baking powder and almond meal to become brownies.
Decide that I've eaten way too many eggs this weekend.
And that the dark chocolate, butter, egg yolks, tia maria, and sugar in the tarts could possibly be way too rich.
Miss A phones from overseas and we chat and chat and I love the sound of her voice and I remember the way her head moves and her hands move when she talks and I wanna give her a squeezy hug through the phone line. And I picture our voices spinning around the world to each other. *blows kisses*
Miss R and Miss B come over for a civilised afternoon tea on the front lawn with damask tablecloth and fine china and silver cake forks. House dogs sing sad songs through the door to us. Wanting to be a part of the party. I make sure Miss R takes some chocolate tarts onto her dinner engagement.
Mr Z and Miss L also went to a tea party. Must be something in the stars.
Consider cold quiche for dinner, but not hungry.
I thought such a thing would be impossible, but I am not hungry. What is wrong?
Decide to stay in tonight, rather than possible drinking engagements. Have had a whole weekend at home baking and eating and talking with friends. No wild partying. Spending all my money on household items and eggs.
No hangovers or headaches or sore feet.
Instead a (potentially not ideal) sense of lethargy. No. I will call it contentment.
Though I will say that hanging out with friends in the daytime and chatting is much better for my sense of mental wellbeing. I don't seem to have that small sense of emptiness that the morning after a big night, can sometimes bring.
Shit. Maybe I am turning into a 50's housewife!
Fuck. I did think an apron would be a good idea earlier today.
This might not be good.