Rising above it

Today at work, I nearly cried a dozen times with the frustration of not knowing what was happening with new staffing arrangements, and not being comfortable with what I knew about it all. I tried a few times to set some positive wheels in motion. Most importantly got the boss-lady to set a meeting with all stakeholders to sit down next week and talk about what's happening with my section.
To make sure we're all on the same page.
Otherwise the potential for it to go completely haywire is very, very high!
And this girl does not feel like searching for another job just yet.

And then, just as I'm feeling completely incompetent and overwhelmed and distraught, I have to fend off any particle of hestitancy, anxiety and depression. Because I've got a Halloween party to run for 40 kids!
In an hour we have the food prepared, the stories photocopied, the film set up, the decorations up and the kids arriving.
We change the programme as we're sitting in front of the kids, and I almost lose my voice 3 times during the evening.
But...and here's the best part of my night...
I got to SCREAM! So loudly! In the library, at night when everyone is faffing about, talking, borrowing, studying, etc.
I opened my eyes and 40 pairs of eyes were looking at me all stunned!
Well, it certainly got their attention so I could start with the storytelling *grins*
And I storytold my ass off! Poetry, ghost tales, and freeform. The boss-lady was there with her kids and I think it was a very, very timely reminder for her on why they hired me. Cataloguing drives me insane, budgets fizz my brain, but put me in front of 40 kids and I can fly by the seat of my pants and take them all along for the ride.
When they say that everyone's got something that they're good at, I'm really not sure that I would've picked storytelling...but hey *shrugs* there's worse out there.
And the parents asked for my name so they could write letters about me to the Mayor. One hope this will could for something in my next performance review *grins*
Oh and then later, I got to wield a rubber mallet and smash, smash, smash, SMASH a 6 tiered entirely chocolate 'construction' to bits. The kids counted me in and I went for it. Almost forgot to stop!
Damn that got rid of some frustrated energy.

A crazy day...but in the end I shone a bit brighter.

Tired and cranky tanty time.

So I've tried staying up until I hope they've finished.
And ear plugs.
And a pillow over my head.
And sighing loudly.
And swearing.
And getting up and stomping down the stairs.
And calling my boyfriend and crying on the phone about how tired I am.

In the morning I've repeated the above, and put on music downstairs, and the radio on upstairs, and banged around the kitchen, and opened doors and windows, and putting on a load of washing, and talking on the phone, and tapping on my very noisy keyboard, which is what I'm doing now.

Ha. They're up.
And now I'm going to go out.
Really wanted to before, but had nowhere to really go, so it would've felt like I was being driven out of my own home.

Am a bit tired and cranky pants today.
But not as tanty as last night.
Am going to visit a friend now, and talk kink. This will make me happier.
We're going to have a munch and a party.
Perhaps I'll tell you about it another day.

History shouldn't repeat!

A year ago I went to a Halloween party at some friends' house. With others, I'd planned a bit of play. My girlfriend at the time tied myself and Miss A to two chairs, our knees touching. Then Miss R pierced me six times in each breast, then did the same to Miss A. She then laced us together with dental floss and we aaaaarched backwards, pulling at each other.
Oh what a marvelous rush. It was brilliant. A night I still think about.
My g/f was taking photos, and got an attack of the jealousies and had an enormous tanty.
So I spent the night dealing with her...and didn't go out dancing later with the others.
Oh how I wish I did. It was a brilliant club night apparently, and the energies were high.

So now the anniversary of the same club night came around last night.
My boyfriend wasn't well enough to go out, and I had to work the next day (my only Saturday work of the year!). And I though...'geez, maybe I should get an early night'.
But I was determined to not let anything stand in my way again.
I had the best night. Just wore the bogstandard leather skirt, fishnets and halterneck top.

Miss A and I went out for local pre-drinkies with butch G. Ran into a few friendly happy, and a few strange, faces. Then travelled onwards to the club night.
So many yummy folks there. Dancing and flirting and eye candy galore. And almost all of my favourite folks. I love my freaky friends.
Butch S was looking terribly fine it sent this girl's heart into flutters. Baby Butch B said she's heading west for a few months :-( but I was brightened by the news she'll be back for Mardi Gras. And 'lotsa-chains' was there, watching. Me? Well, I dunno. It did seem like it everytime I checked. But I gotta admit, I was enjoying the music too much to really check.
And I danced and I danced and I danced. For hours. With the biggest grin on my face.

So tired and trashy today. Got to work with three hours sleep and two coffees under my belt. 6 hours in the sun later I find myself almost asleep on the train, and staggering home.
Tried to nap, can't sleep. Decided to write here instead. Perhaps an early night is a better bet to catch up a few hours?

Am happy, happy, happy about such a great night. T'was good for the spirit.

Info...what?

"Libraries are brothels for the mind. Which means that librarians are the madams, greeting punters, understanding their strange tastes and needs, and pimping their books."
Guy Browning (The Guardian column, www.guardian.co.uk 18 October 2003)