what's that creaking sound?

I am an old lady.
Went out Friday night and had a dance...well, as much of a dance as we could manage with all the drunk baby-dykes walking past and through us and trying to talk over the music. What is it with that crowd? No concept of having a good big dance with no gossipy chatting I'm-just-gonna-get-another beer, sort-break-up-make-up 'discussions' happening.
I'm sure the boys know how to treat Arq...just get out on the stage, under the laser and DANCE!
Anyway, t'was an interesting exercise, and after, Mr M, Miss A and myself, went down the road to meet Miss R and Miss B at The Shift.
Hey, exciting, my jinx has broken, I got into The Shift!
Ages I've tried, in various different versions of myself with various crowds over many years.

Anyway, I was talking about being an old lady...yes... we had only a few beers and an early hometime, but Saturday found me all seedy, and come Saturday night I was too knackered to go out again. Instead we went for a walk down King St and I had a gelato. And the same on Sunday, still tired and only got out of the house for a walk down the street and to the pub for a beer and a pub meal. In bookshop on Sunday, Mr M found a book about 'Sensational Sex Tips' I was reading over his shoulder when he found a bit telling the bloke how to make it more interesting when you go down on a girl by writing sentences on her clit with your tongue.
I asked M "What would you write?'
He said "Huwwy uh n cunm"

It's not a good look to snort loudly with laughter in a quiet shop :-)

200 librararararians

2 days and 200 librarians.
The Conference was called 'Filthy: youth culture and libraries' and I loved it a lot.
But now I want some real filth!

I'm tuckered out and need to balance my head back!
This is what I want:
- Quiet time
- dancing dancing dancing
- a cold beer
- kink kink kink
- no more mental and social gymnastics...I want physical...I wanna switch off my brain and dance. I want a hard fuck that stops my head from ticking over and sends it spinning.

Another interesting aside from the day:
Wore my dyke clobber to the conference today (but in a girly way... my mooks shirt was the only thing I own that co-ordinated with the orange conference bag they gave us, *grins*).
T'was great to be queer-visible to the other eyecandy there...but walking down the street at Newtown later, I felt very self-concious. Like I was affecting a uniform.
I think one of the things I'm enjoying about the part-time femme thing, is the feeling that I've moved past the uniform and can wear what I truely like and what is more actually me.
I'm still part-time though *grins*.

playing hookey

Had a pretty big weekend...
Tried to go out Friday night. Made it to the ex's BBQ and met the new girlfriend. As assumed, she's got a strong personality and her own mind. Nice to see. The two of them are O.S. for about 5 weeks now. Which is great, 'cos I always thought Mr D was made for travelling...but I wasn't into it much myself.
Anyway, from there we dropped in at the end of a birthday dinner for Miss F and had a gah over her new bub. It's only out in the world 4 weeks, so still crumply and collapsible *aaaw*
Couldn't decide on Hellfire or Dykes on Bikes Black + White Ball. Dragged ourselves home in the rain. Mr M heads upstairs to put on a uniform and I decide that I'd rather sleep than party. 5 minutes later we're horizontal.
That makes 3 Hellfires missed in a row *egads!*
And apparently the B+W Ball was a sellout success and everyone was dressed to the nines! I do wish I'd got excited...I even recently found my silver strappy kitten heels that go with my silver ballgown skirt...but I just didn't have the buzz. Oh well.
Sunday was a pretty cool day.
After a touch of coffee-stress waiting for takeaways, and a tryingnottospilladrop walk to House of Femme. We had some yum french toast for breakie and starting cleaning and organising for the Creatures Munch.
Mr M was a bloody dynamo...did he sweep the kitchen floor twice or three times? And when was the last time the outdoor bathroom saw spray and wipe? Couldn't've done it without him...especially when he took on board a new puppy to train...which gave the gathering more interest.
A thousand thanks Mr M. I love you!
Miss A was the consumate hostess, a bundle of pink energy, and no doubt going to be a driving force behind this burgeoning new community of folks. Quite a few didn't make it on Sunday, so hopefully they'll be free for the next event...a Creatures Play Party.
Wanna invite? Email me.
Oh hey, I just remembered part of Saturday. Made it to Transgender Day of Rememberance. Had a brief social chat after with John, Grace, Fi, and The Ladies. But wasn't fond of the icy cold winds in the park, and bundled ourselves off to the warmer surrounds of bodies at the markets.

What else has been happening in my world?
Monday was an okay day at work, managed to get a great deal done. But today *ergh*. Made it to work, but after 2 sips of coffee and a read of my work emails, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. So turned around and left.
I NEVER wag work, even when I've suffered depression. So why now? Dunno. Got off the train in the city, ran across a couple of roads in the rain and tucked myself up in a bookshop with another coffee (having left the other at my desk to get cold). Feeling calmer I explored a few shops. Bought a couple of pressies for people and then a knight in shining armour came by for me. Well, as shining as an unwashed 1991 Nimbus can be *grins*. But seriously, was a glorious unexpected pleasure to spend a few hours with my man. Went shopping for leather and bungee cords and other things to make some toys with.
The thought of naughty things always seems to settle my head a bit.
Odd.
Now I have half a purple cow to make something out of. Skirt? Top? Capelet? Oh what to do with a bright purple cow?
Anyway, I should get some sleep now, and see if I can have a bit more strength tomorrow to get through the day.
G'night.

a wee tappity before bed...

Tomorrow it starts...the weekend...the summer season.
Will I go to the ex's BBQ? The housewarming? The B & W Ball? Or Hellfire?
And where will my beloved be?
I think the BBQ is going to happen...it's straight from work, and I've not met the ex's New Girlfriend yet. Good god, what will I wear?
And where-ever I go, there's gonna have to be a costume change in there? *erk*
Must take mozzie repellant...ex's house is steriod-mozzie central.
Oh, in Glebe earlier today, and for 3 blocks there was nothing but huge flying ants! Think I swallowed a few, it was a swarm. It seemed a bit magical at first when I thought they were moths, but then the cloud got thicker to walk through and they started to land on me and I saw what they were.
Then it wasn't magical anymore - just plain weird instead.

Just home from Big Bi Meeting. Only a few of us there tonight sadly, and that meant that the tasks to hand couldn't get spread very far. Anyone know of businesses keen to do reciprocal arrangements with a community group with a 'fast growing' membership? Anyone keen to be involved in the GLBTQ meetings with the Attorney General's Dept? Eerh, I can't remember the rest...Sleep will happen soon.
Here's hoping the renovators don't wake me in the middle of the night *grrr*

a sense of...

Do you ever get that feeling that something big is going to happen, but you have no bloody idea what?
My sister says "you worry too much babe"
But it feels more weird than worry.
Maybe my magic drops aren't working?
Odd.

All tuckered out now...

What a great weekend!
Well, Sunday was great...I can't remember Saturday much anymore...oh that's right, we went to a BBQ for Miss L's b'day and generally misbehaved in front of her much more subdued friends.

Anyway...Sunday:
Was all sunscreen and people and noise and dogs and dust and flies and babies and music and beer and frocks.
Started the morning, tottering up the street all girly, kissing Mr M bye-bye while he stayed and did mechanic work for Miss H (yum, greasy rough trade...him, not Miss H of course *grins*).
Help set up the Bi-NSW stall (figured I oughta make an appearance being Convenor and all). Then onwards to mingling with friends.
Great to see Miss R back from O.S.
Made a few trips back to my house and House of Femme for toilet breaks to save dealing with sunbaking portaloos *erk*
Drank strange peach juice from hippytribe stall, and then moved on the VB bought by Miss A and Miss E...both in pink femme finery.
Was fun tottering through crowds in my summer dress and pointy shoes with beer in hand. Here's to the real start of summer!

Then later, after a dunking under the shower at H o' F, onwards to the Carlisle and then the Impie via home and a quick costume addition of red corset and black cardie-thing. One of those great random but very excellent costume-coming-together moments!
The memories all go in motion blur from here...dancing and yum yum yum snogging with Miss A.
Watching Mr M mucking up with the gayboys *grins*
Geez, who else did I see? Who didn't I see, really...was lots of folks there. Didn't make it to see Miss B at the Buddha stall, was my only plan that went awry.
Somehow spent an inordinate amount of money, but worth it for such a good day.
Seriously seedy at work today. Seriously seedy!

Also went and visited my Grandad today. He's in a nursing home...not able to recover from a serious stroke a while ago. Dad was in town too, so caught up with him and Uncle. Makes a girl a bit thoughtful, it does.

But now she really, really has to sleep.
More musing later I expect.
G'night xx

just 'blah'

Yeay, my magic drops are working. Yucko urko day at work (well one little bit of it in particular), but no running and hiding and crying. Yeay!

Happy happy weekend's nearly here. Have 3 birthday party celebration thingies happening. Tonight I shall try and organise pressies. Wish I was up to braving this rain to poke around the shops tonight.
Also tonight I shall alter the new dress I bought. Happy summer halterneck party dress. Red-and-crazy-flowers-sorta-print. Perfect for the BBQ saturday or Newtown Festival on Sunday.

Happy happy happy...have paid off my student loan debts, and now only have a couple of grand left on HECS, and a wee bit on my credit card. I like this 'simply my life' thing :-) And am pleased I did it on my meagre salary...
...oooh that reminds me...got a tinsy pay rise today...for doing okay at work....and another payrise coming through next week...thankyou Unions.

Am feeling a tad guilty that I didn't get all activist about the 'Milat is Bisexual' newspaper headlines like the BPA folks did. Perhaps I should do more work, esp. as Convenor of Bi-NSW. But my heart's just not in it. I had too much of a break I think, and the fire in my belly has died down somewhat. Every now and then I give the coals a nudge, but, *shrugs* meh.
Then again, Bi-NSW is more of an social and advocacy group, leaving th activism/lobbying work to BPA.
Aaah, sweet justifications.
So now I shall do some work on the Bi stall at Newtown Festival on Sunday morn instead.
Come and say hello. 10am onwards...I think the stall is #442...near the info stall and the kids area.
Later I shall lie around in the sun, drinking beer, in red shoes!

Doctor, doctor...

Today Icemaiden sidekick and I worked together on a report for the Library Committee. Only half an hour, and we didn't get too exasperated with each other. This is good.
Babysteps, babysteps.
Had a great talk with my herbalist...and now have stinky herbs to drink and stinky herbs to rub on my body and it will make me well and whole again. There's hope for this girl yet. Though perhaps not for those who hang out near me. Promise you'll tell me if I get too stinky, guys. Please.

Oh, and a workmate of mine is selling an old dentist chair ...I put in a bid. I'm not quite sure why, I'm not a terribly emotional shopper. But I just wanted this chair. It's extremely heavy, a bit rusty (going by the photo) and of limited practical use.
Those who may be free to help me collect it (late November if I get it) will of course get first and continuing dibs to put it to aforementioned 'limited practical use' *grins*.
Oh and, in the words of my workmate (and Homer Simpson) "Chair goes up. Chair goes down"

"Food is love": Discuss.

I think I'm naughty, but actually feel quite pleased with myself.
I ate Gelato for dinner tonight.
Sour Cherry, Pannacotta (my fave) and some other almond/chocolatey/honey flavour.
Sugar rush is great, but have to chill now to try and sleep *boo*
Was emotional eating after visiting a friend and then not coping with the weirdness of people.
Am unsure at what tomorrow will bring.
4 Things I know I will encounter:
- manipulative ice-maiden sidekick *grrr*
- dusty, dusty library dusty
- friendly gruff workmen building glass walls
- the odd, tangy astringent but comforting smell of the herbalists office

Anyone wanna look after a Dachshund over Christmas?
He's needy, loving, food-motivated (like his Mum), likes to sleep on laps and is crap at playing fetch. His Papa and step-mum will be overseas and I'm out of the city for a few days.

dancey dancey

Strange day yesterday. Got a bit fretful as I was getting stuff together for Biversity decos, but chilled once I was there.
Miss Z was great at putting stuff together, and Mr L got stuck right in too. If anyone needs creative folks on a team to make it all work 'right', these two come highly recommended!
We all got it sorted in the end, and the place looked a lot less lounge and a bit more club, by the time we'd finished.
Thanks and thanks go to Mr P for organising the night. It was the right mix of cool and dirty. Not many of the grotty sleazies that have been known to turn up at this event in the past. Not so packed that it was hard to find room...but could've done with a few more people. A crowd is always good for variety in eye-candy, keeping the space warm and noisy, and being able to lose folks in the crowd if needed *grins*.
Sveta seemed to have been trying out a few new things with us. Makes sense, seeing as it wasn't her usual fanclub audience, and a smaller venue. So we only had a few of her fave tracks, and then she slipped into more trance-y breaks. Though I crashed and didn't make it to the end of her set/the party.
Mr M, Miss Z and I overwhelmed a gaggle of straight girls for the next available cab *he he* ...the advantages of looking like trashed freaks :-)

Earlier yesterday, the boy and I went to an FTMA meeting. I know I can be a social bee sometimes, but I was so damn nervous. And any confidence ran away the moment we arrived and everyone looked at us without saying anything *frowns*.
Then after the talking...which was very interesting, apart from the constant sound of Mr B's voice...I felt like a total fish out of water at the social bit. Where ever I stood, conversations spilt in two away from me, and I was totally stuck for words. Maybe I'll go to another one, but I'll have to psyche myself up a bit beforehand. Mr M's and ?M's idea of hitting the pub beforehand seems to be a great idea in hindsight!
Was glad to run away.
As for inviting Mr D to join us at Biversity after the meeting...I think that's another story, another day. Suffice to say that at 3am, standing under a speaker during Sveta's set having lost my voice and having a remarkable urge to drag my boy into a dark corner - I really didn't want to have a conversation! Again!*sighs*
Later.

Flying by the seat of my pants again

Am feeling fine...happy sunny day, Boy sleeping in my bed beside me as I type.
Gotta busy day doing decorations for Biversity: Unwrapped tonight.
Telling everyone I've got it under control and it's gonna be simple, stylish and very cool.
But really I'll just be happy if it's not utterly dodge *g*
Really could've spent a bit more time planning...but was all I could do to get through work this week alive.
Am happy happy though...finally got a herbalist appointment on Tuesday.
And she will give me magic drops.
And she will make me better.
*yeay*

Bugger.

I just wrote this fantastic long entry.
And then lost it somehow.
Bugger.
So now I'm not going to retype it and bore you all.
Instead we'll have a short storytime with an except from a picture book I found when I was pottering around yesterday...

"Getting hugged by someone you don't like, is scary.
Stepping on something squishy when you're in bare feet, is scary.
Holding onto someone's hand that isn't your Mother's when you thought it was, is scary.
Stepping down from something higher than you thought it was, is scary.
Thinking what if you'd been born a hippopotamus, is scary.
Knowing your parents are talking about you but you can't hear what they're saying, is scary.
Thinking you're not going to be picked for either side, is scary.
Knowing you're going to grow up to be a grown-up, is scary."

"Some things are scary: no matter how old you are" by Florence Parry Heide, illustrated by Jules Feiffer. Walker Book, London, 2000.

G'night xx