what's that creaking sound?

I am an old lady.
Went out Friday night and had a dance...well, as much of a dance as we could manage with all the drunk baby-dykes walking past and through us and trying to talk over the music. What is it with that crowd? No concept of having a good big dance with no gossipy chatting I'm-just-gonna-get-another beer, sort-break-up-make-up 'discussions' happening.
I'm sure the boys know how to treat Arq...just get out on the stage, under the laser and DANCE!
Anyway, t'was an interesting exercise, and after, Mr M, Miss A and myself, went down the road to meet Miss R and Miss B at The Shift.
Hey, exciting, my jinx has broken, I got into The Shift!
Ages I've tried, in various different versions of myself with various crowds over many years.

Anyway, I was talking about being an old lady...yes... we had only a few beers and an early hometime, but Saturday found me all seedy, and come Saturday night I was too knackered to go out again. Instead we went for a walk down King St and I had a gelato. And the same on Sunday, still tired and only got out of the house for a walk down the street and to the pub for a beer and a pub meal. In bookshop on Sunday, Mr M found a book about 'Sensational Sex Tips' I was reading over his shoulder when he found a bit telling the bloke how to make it more interesting when you go down on a girl by writing sentences on her clit with your tongue.
I asked M "What would you write?'
He said "Huwwy uh n cunm"

It's not a good look to snort loudly with laughter in a quiet shop :-)