I can't recall how many years ago it was.

Mothers' Day meditations...

Mothers' day has got me thinking. Normally it doesn't - though there were the
usual teenage years, fraught with angst over my relationship with my mother.
But now to thinking - being in a relationship with a man who adores kids and
would ideally love to have kids.
Reading "Maternal Desire" -the first book I've read which deals with the whole
topic on an intellectual level and avoids all the usual emotional baggage and
cliches and crap; Oh my! I think I can engage with this dialogue!
And then considering age play. Being a Mama to my boy. And the filthy Mother's
Day pressie he gave to me.

And then thinking of my abortion. Off the top of my head, I can't recall how
many years ago it was.
I was always okay with it. Better than okay, really. It made me feel more like a
woman than anything I had done to that point in my life. I was an adult from
that point on.
Spiritually I had no problem with it. I believe in individual spirit choices -
that you choose your life/parents/destiny before you come onto this physical
plane - so as, at that point in my life, I was always going to have an abortion, any spirit that took
residence in me (ie: conception) would know that it wouldn't be staying for long.
Morally it wasn't an issue.
There's advantages to not having any skerrick of religion or similar in your
upbringing! Go the hippy parents!

But now, years later, I think about what life could've been like. I could have a
child perhaps nearly starting school. Would I still be in that relationship?
Maybe? I would like to think not. But there's a distinct possibility.
But I certainly wouldn't be the Miss Y that I am today.
The person that I am now, right now, feels more like myself than at almost any
other time in my life!
I value that a lot.
I love who I am now and I love the people in my life who allow me to be who I am.

I also think about if I would even want to be a mother to my own child.
And then I have the realization that, in my almost entirely apathetic life (I
reserve the right to not ever have to make a decision *grins*); that I have to,
or should, make a decision within the next five years, as to whther I will have
my own biological child.
Fuck! a decision and a deadline to make it by!
Aaah, well,  I do actually work better under pressure. Some would suggest it's
the only time I work at all!

Comments? Thoughts? Your own Mothers' Day meditations?