run away, run away, run away,

Mr M and I are escaping the city for the weekend.
Probably lots of lounging around and looking in quaint antique stores.
I am packing my boots. I wanna go walking in the bush.
When I walk in the city I fall over always. Both my knees are bruised/scabby as I speak.
But when I go bushwalking I can rockhop with ease. One of my nicknames when I was a kid was mountain goat. Not the prettiest of nicknames I admit. But little I cared when climbing ocean cliffs or wandering up creeks to waterholes.

I'm glad I didn't make work-experience-bruce do shelving the other day. He tried it today and twice came and told me how difficult it was for him. I asked a few questions to see if it was just petulant teenager behaviour, but didn't prod too much.
When I gave him some different (and admittedly more boring) duties, oh man how his face lit up! Am wondering if there may be a lack of confidence because of dyslexia or other learning difficulties?
We'll check in with his teachers later.

Okay I go pack my bags for the weekend now. We leave tomorrow. Yeay for mini-holidays!

pricks and cutting

Another library quote has done it's time:
"The library people can be mean pricks when it comes to people cutting up their magazines."John Sandford (Certain Prey. Putnam, 1999, p. 171)

New quote is up.

a smattering of weekend stuff

Aaah.
Am feeling fractured.
So make of this what you will.
Kooky weekend night a great way to spend Easter.
Went dancing but forgot to dance much. Preceeded by slight miscommunication organisation stress. Didn't do drugs, so crashed at 4am and home.
Proceeded to make much noise with Mr M.
Mr Z not back 'til way after sunrise. We listen. 2 voices? nah 1. Oh 2! *he. he. he.*
BBQ started at queer o'clock.

[aside]
I seem to always be ready on time for things and prep ahead.
Yes a lot of creative visualisation is good for my anxiety levels. Helps settle beforehand.
Buuut, if I'm not late like everybody else does that mean I'm not as queer.
*growls*
Hey, we were talking to Ms J, Mr B and Mr J from Newcastle at the last transensual event, about Queer time, and how we reckon it's cubed for queer trans folks.
Discuss.
[end aside]

Happy housewarming BBQ started in park across the road, then moved out of the wind into the front yard mostly. Roll call of sorts: my gorgeous mister of course and Miss R, Miss M, Mr D, Butch N and 2 supersoakers and subsequent battle with fellow afficianado Miss B. Cue discussions about sniper action on cute puppies, skateboarders and a sunbather's ass. Mr Z with bed hair, Miss L with bed hair plus last nights hairspay *blows kiss*. Visits from Miss Z and 'the germans', Miss A and something delicious she found behind a sofa *grins*, drop-ins from Miss F and Butch R and sprogs x 3, and visit from ?M and Miss N who wonderfully knows how to spar with Mr M and interestingly doesn't get too tangled by ?M. House of Femme's newest addition, Miss J, who in that excellent 2 degrees of queer separation knows aformentioned Newcastle folks, sat in on the tail end of proceedings. I learnt how to cook sausages, and eeeeeew, touched pork when I didn't know it was *shudder*.

Had to open up the Library today. I big boss lady. Busiest day of the year. Took over 2 hours to clear the bookchute.
I looked very librarian today, in a tittie kinda way with my new jiggly bra. Had to walk through the builders compund in my long skirt and clacky shoes and barrette in my hair. Then had to climb in the chute to get to the books. Yes, it's a big bookchute. Fortunately the builders weren't at work today.
Asked today's work experience student 'Bruce', why he wanted to do work exp in a Library.
"Uh, I didn', I uh, wann'ed ta do some thun sports like"
*sighs*
I resisted temptation to get him to shelve the sports section.

What's past is past.

Oh, that last post was pretty crap. Typo, grammar, typo. Must've been tired.

Am starting to enjoy having a few extra days off work *waves thankyou to the christians for the public holidays. Oh, and who's responsible for all this chocolate about lately too? Thankyou*

Spending a bit of time at the ex's house this weekend. And in between walking and cuddling the dog I'm going through the old shared photos. We broke up years ago, and it's one of those things that we'd never sorted out.
When I moved out it was put in the too hard basket. Looking back through them now, it's good to see that I'm not even close to emotional about it all.
Time does heal.
Have packed my baby photos away, and will post-it note some of the shared ones that I'd like. Let the ex have his say, and divvy them up.

Okay, sun is shining through the window. Time to take Rami dog for another walk and see if there's anywhere nearby selling caffienated beverages on this Easter Sunday.
May head to Kooky +/or Phoenix tonight. Been a while since I've had a dance. But have to come back to this side of the city to feed the doggo in the morn. And don't fancy sleeping here.
Aaah, the challenges life throws us! *grins*

Nothing worth saying.

I was going to type a lot, but now I'm sitting at the keyboard I can't remember a thing I was going to say.
Such a bit time at the moment. Just moved house. Bit exhausted...actually, more frazzled than exhausted actually. Looking forward to things settling down. Spent the day with Mr M, moving boxes around and putting together furniture.
Am now dog-sitting for one of my ex's tonight. And as much as I haven't really settled into my new home, I still feel weird here and would rather be in my own bed.
Oh, there's a BBQ at my new place on Monday - drop me a line if you wanna come and want the address.

Looking after their own

Packing to move house and run out of boxes.
Rocked up to my friendly local library (not my workplace-library) and introduced myself as 'one of them'.
Walk away with an armful of cardboard boxes and promises for more if I need them.
It's amazing what you can get from the Library!

Oh, and anyone wants to help me move house?
You're more than welcome to join me Saturday and Sunday arvos for a bit of weightlifting. Gimme a bell. Payment will be in love and beverages.

Having a bit of a 'Sliding Doors' day. Seeing my life cutting away in different directions with each decision and action I, and others around me, make.
Am learning a lot about people, their choices and motivations, these days. Feel like a kid experiencing the big wide world again.
This is good. And it is interesting. To see the effects we have on each others' lives.

Okay, enough introspection - I go pack teacups in boxes now.

no. no. i'm not worried. honest.

Oh my god.
Weird girl at work is psyching me out.
I'm all a flutter today at work 'cos I'm moving house (Yes. So suddenly. I know. *waves thankyou to new flatmate* :-)
So she goes and moves heaven and earth (aka the staff roster in one of the busiest short-staffed weeks yet this year) so I can have Friday off to pack and move.
Fuckin' weird.
Hmm, perhaps it's just one less day of her having to put up with me.
*grins*

My "don't worry" magic drops from the herbalist are working wonders at the moment. There's so much not to worry about!
I'm trying not to freak out about my current workload at work.
I'm trying not to flip out about having to move house so quickly.
I'm trying not to take it personally that someone who has known me for a year doesn't seem to really know me or want to take my word on something important.
I'm trying desperately not to think about which of my friends is telling lies about me and henceforth turning my world squew-iff.
It will only drive me mad.

But I'm a natural worrier, so it's really, really hard to try and NOT worry.
I'm doing okay.

On a brighter, much much brighter, note: Mr M and I have been hanging out with each other for a year now!
So cool. I love that man.
*giggles*

Flip sides

How's everyone's post Mardi Gras come-down?
Mine's been great in some ways and very, very hairy in others.

Back to work today - and rather fortunately (for me or her, I'm not sure :-) the strange workmate is being all 'new best friend' again.
Small mercies.

I also got a pressie from a workmates' wife who I talked with about getting into Youth Librarianship. I was really excited for her and tried to help her out with as much info as possible. Apparently she hasn't heard back from one application - which was the same as the one I applied for and turned down an interview to the other day. I didn't say anything. I do hope she gets the job at one of my old workplaces - 'cos it'd be a great place to get a feel for it all.
Anyway, she gave a little pressie of a coffee mug and some herb tea, as a thankyou. Very sweet sentiment and I thanked her profusely in between saying "oh you shouldn't have".
Buuuuut the mug is so twee and has cute piggies and daisies and ladybugs on it.
*bleurgh* Since when have I ever given the impression that I love cute farmyardy things. She said "oh it can be your 'happy mug' for those bad days". Oh man. If I drank out of that on a bad day.
I'm very worried now. Shall have to try and look tougher. Wear more studded belts to work or something. Something!

In other news, I tried to email my Mum today and it bounced. Phoned her at work to see why and she's changed her surname.
*wha..*
Yeah, I know, sure she just got married.
But the last 2 marriages didn't see her change her name.
She says she's getting old and sentimental.
Old sop.
My mother is a strange one. A mix of bright pink wearing, simpering girly giggles when a man walks in the room; and then tough feminist unionist engineer who built solar panels and told me not to have kids before a career.
It's taken me years to work her out.

There's heaps of other bigger stuff happening in my life at the moment. *taunts* But isn't the minutiae of life more interesting? Huh?

I'm remembering that I am actually sane...

... even though my life and behaviours and thoughts and feelings of the last 2 months are direct evidence to the contrary *grins*.

And - oh wow - Mr M is still hanging around. That man has seen me at my worst now. It must be love.

*yeay* Mardi Gras is over. Parade is done.
Our entry went well. Dunno how it looked to the punters, but the gennie didn't die and the people were sooooo well behaved. These things are what have stressed me in previous years. I even got a few cheers from them before and after the parade, which nearly made me cry.

Was intending to have a quiet beer and go to bed that night, but ran into an ex, Miss N, who had a couple of VIP tickets to Kabuki she was giving away. Hmmm, yeah, not quite her scene. So Mr M, myself and ?M headed off into the night.
Just missed Miss H's show.
Ran into Little Miss R and New Mr B, Misses L and L, and a few others. Mr M found himself at the wrong and the right end of a flogger. And Little Miss R and myself ended up with sore botties.
I got my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th winds dancing and slumping and dancing until about 6am I realised I'd been going full speed for 24hrs and my body was about to collapse. Really shouldn't've looked at the clock *grins*

Didn't get much sleep the next day either, but after a meal and a brief panic about having lost the rental ute keys, ended up wandering down to the Impie with Miss R and Miss B for a a flirty, perving evening.

Have you ever slept so sound that your hair -product, hairclips and all- is still perfect in the morning?

*sings* 'Tomorrow, tomorrow...'

Well, didn't think I'd get a chance to sit down and blog tonight, of all nights.
In theory there is still a hell of a lot to do to make the entry fabulous. But I've let it go now.
My priority is vegies and sleep. And there'll hopefully be a lot of helpers around tomorrow to send on errands and set to tasks.
"You. Cut this"
"You. Hold this"
"You. Lift this"
"You. Buy beer"
*sighs* It's a bit of a bossy bad-cop overdose for me, doing this. Not my favourite thing.
Next year, if I even vaguely mention organising a parade entry, I need my friends to stage an intervention. A kinky one of course ;-)

I'm always amazed at how much people are willing to help out (and put up with my bad moods as a part of it). Not that there has been lots of people - oh no, there's been too few keen helpers this year. But those that do help have been fantastic!

Now, to go organise 3 costume changes and an "everything I could possibly need" bag for tomorrow. Day starts at 7am, and goes constantly until (hopefully before) midnight when we pull the ute into the garage.
Then will I want to party? *phew* Last year it took an absurd amount of effort and an even more absurd amount of drugs to get me into the knee high boots and back out the door.
This year I may just be the most fresh faced lassie at Gurlesque.

small, perhaps broken, but bootstraps nonetheless...

Have turned a small corner on parade entry prep. Many thanks to my gorgeous man, and his support. Am knuckling down quite well to it. Much smaller amounts of tears of frustration. Feel like such a kid.

Anyway,
I am doing this parade entry for:
- the folks out of town/overseas, who need a bit of visibility.
- the greater queer community, that needs constant reminding that we're here and part of it all, not (as the gorgeous Miss Z says) just a footnote out of political correctness.
- knowing that I am strong enough, even if barely, to not drop the ball.
- the folks that have volunteered to make this happen. Bloody marvels the lot of them, and they deserve to see the end results of their work. Thanks guys for your patience with my lack of organisation and bad moods. You deserve better.

Must away now, to email, phone, hotglue and cable-tie this thing together somehow.
*blows kiss*